Interview with Nancy

How long have you been a mediator and how did you get started in the field?

To answer this question, I think it’s a good idea to give you some background – my personal story – about how I discovered mediation and its benefits.

I have worked in the legal field for over 30 years – first as a paralegal for 12 years, then as a law clerk, and now as an attorney/mediator.  My defining moment took place in 1991, during my second year of law school, when I had the opportunity to participate in an internship at the local community mediation center.  After my first training, I started mediating cases involving neighbors fighting over their fences, parked cars, or barking dogs.  During these mediations, I became fascinated with the process and the “magic” of mediation that took place right before my eyes.  Two parties would enter the room not even wanting to look at each other, and by the end of the mediation session they had reached an agreement and were making plans to get together.  How did it happen?  When mediators help parties really hear each other for the first time and understand each other in a new way, the results are truly miraculous.  As I like to say, I never looked back after that.

I finished law school and made a commitment to dedicate my professional career to helping families in conflict find resolution and move forward with their lives.  Since then, I have mediated hundreds of cases involving families, contract disputes, and cases in the court system.

I have also been through a divorce myself.  Unfortunately, I didn’t know about mediation at the time and went to court.  It was stressful and very expensive.  I know what it’s like to end a marriage.  It can be difficult, painful, and emotionally draining.  I bring my personal experience to the table when I work with divorcing couples so that I can help them through the process.

Who are you clients?

As a Relationship Mediator, I specialize in working with families and individuals who are experiencing conflict in their relationships.  I work with couples who are struggling with communication in their relationship and want to stay together, as well as couples who have decided to end their relationship.  I also assist siblings who might be fighting about the care of their elderly parent(s) or over finances involving their parents.

How are you different than a Counselor if we want to save our relationship?

Counselors work with the couple as a unit and individually in a process that very often delves into the past by examining family of origin issues and the like.  It is usually a lengthy process that results in a diagnosis, etc.  Relationship Mediation is centered on immediate problem-solving in the relationship.  It looks to the future and gives the couple concrete communication skills to improve and strengthen their relationship on a daily basis.

How are you different from Family Law attorneys who handle divorces in the court system?

Unlike Family Law attorneys who represent clients in court, I work with the couple outside of court in private mediation.  Although the case is still filed with the court, the couple does not need to appear in court as everything is discussed in the private, confidential mediation setting away from the very public forum of a courtroom.  I provide my clients with the legal information they need to make informed decisions about dividing their property and debts, and most importantly, the co-parenting of their children after the divorce.

We offer a co-mediation model for those cases involving complicated issues regarding children.  I work with a therapist/mediator who brings in her wealth of expertise about child development and co-parenting after ending your relationship.  Our clients are given a comprehensive co-parenting plan that can be incorporated into their final agreement.

What types of mediation services do you offer?

I consider myself a Relationship Mediator as I specialize in working with families experiencing conflicts in their relationships as spouses/partners, parents/stepparents, and siblings.  I have been called to help people mend their relationships and move forward with their lives.  Working as a Relationship Mediator encompasses the following types of mediation:  Relationship Mediation, Family Law Mediation, Stepfamily Mediation, and Elder Mediation.

When a couple has decided that they want to stay together, they may want to try Relationship Mediation.  This type of conflict management provides a problem-solving approach for the couple to work through their differences about basic components of their relationship (money, sex, parenting, caretaking, and household chores, to name a few).  Unlike counseling, which looks backward and more in depth into the individuals’ upbringing for causes of difficulties, Relationship Mediation looks forward and efficiently assists the parties to work together in an effort to resolve their conflicts.  It opens the lines of communication so that the couple can move forward with a renewed sense of hope about their relationship.

Family Law Mediation works best for couples who have decided to separate and/or divorce.  It provides a less expensive, less stressful alternative to the costly and stressful litigation system.  Couples who have made this decision have the opportunity to work with a mediator who guides them through the legal process of separating their assets and debts, providing for the support of children, etc.  When children are involved, the mediator can provide the parents with a co-parenting plan that will help them as they begin their new journey as co-parents living apart.  It is often best for the children when the parents mediate as it is usually less stressful and less antagonistic for all parties involved.

Couples who have been separated for some time may need to re-negotiate the terms of support and/or parenting time.  In these cases, mediation can be very useful to bring about cooperation and open the lines of communication so that these issues can be resolved.

When parties have moved on and started new lives with new spouses/partners, there may sometimes be strife as the two families attempt to blend to form a new one.  Much can be accomplished with stepfamilies experiencing conflict though the mediation process.  Again, the communication that has broken down can be mended so that all parties have a better understanding of their concerns, needs, and interests.  This can often smooth the way to a more cohesive family system.

As our society experiences the growth of our aging population, families are often torn apart about the care of their parents.  Siblings are squabbling about the care of Mom and/or Dad.  This type of family conflict can run very deep and last for years.  If there has been any type of disagreements between siblings in the past, they are often manifested more intensely when the parties need to come up with a plan for the care of their aging parents.  Elder Mediation allows the parties to discuss these issues with each other – and sometimes with their parent(s) present – so that a clear and workable plan will emerge for the care of the parent(s).  Working with a mediator gives the parties an opportunity to be heard and to voice their interests, needs and concerns.

How does the mediation process work?

Mediation is a voluntary process in which both Parties must be willing to come to the table and talk.  While mediation can be conducted with a mediator going between rooms (aka “shuttle diplomacy”), it is my philosophy that if the Parties are willing, it is best to have them in the same room so that they can hear each other and be open to possibilities.

At the beginning of the process, the Parties agree to listen to each other and are willing to express their needs, interests, and requests.  Ground rules are then set as the Parties start the mediation.  Each Party is asked to treat the other with respect and not to lash out or blame the other with personal attacks or name calling.  It is very important that the Parties speak up if something is not working for them.  Each Party needs to understand the other’s point of view, needs and interests.  The Parties and Mediator should ask questions for clarity and to remain open to possible resolutions as they arise.  Parties also need to know that they don’t have to agree to something if they don’t want to do so.  It is the goal of mediation to reach a resolution of the issues that will work for all Parties.  If this occurs, the Parties are more likely to follow through on the agreements they have reached.

During the mediation process, one Party tells the Mediator his/her perspective without interruption from the other Party.  Each Party is given ample time to speak on an issue so that understanding can be reached.At points, the Mediator will summarize the issues presented and the perspectives of the Parties on each issue so that it is clear where each Party stands.  From these summaries, the Parties may then be able to talk to each other and possible compromises and agreements are reached with the assistance of the Mediator.When the Parties have reached agreement, the Mediator can prepare a written Memorandum of Understanding for their review and signature, which formally memorializes their agreements.  In a Dissolution of Marriage/Domestic Partnership, the Mediator can prepare all court documents from the initial filing to the final judgment paperwork including the Marital/Domestic Partnership Settlement Agreement.

What are the benefits of mediation?

Many people still believe that hiring attorneys and going to court is the only way to resolve conflicts with other people – whether it be the end of a marriage/domestic partnership or a neighbor/neighbor conflict.  People think that the courthouse is the only venue to air their complaints and resolve their differences with others.  If more people knew about the benefits of mediation, I believe they would come to realize, as I have, why it is the better way to settle conflicts and bring peace of mind back into our lives.

• Affordable

Mediation is very affordable and considerably less expensive than going to court.  Mediators generally work with Parties on an hourly basis and don’t ask for retainers (large sums of money paid up front for work not yet done).  Most attorneys ask for large retainers when they agree to represent Parties in a dispute.  Because the mediation process takes less time than going to court (it could take months, even years, to get to trial), it costs less money to resolve your conflicts through mediation.

• Confidential

Working with a mediator is private and confidential.  The courts and legislature have recognized the value of conflict resolution and have protected it by making it confidential as set forth in the Evidence Code of California.  Nothing said or written (except for the final agreement between the Parties) can be brought into a court proceeding should mediation not be successful.  In so doing, the courts and legislature are encouraging open lines of communication during mediation sessions.  Mediation sessions are usually held in private settings such as the mediator’s office and/or conference room.  It is very different than the open, public forum of a courtroom where other people can hear your story.

• Less Stressful

Working through conflicts utilizing mediation is much less stressful than litigation.  Because you get the opportunity to vent, be heard, and define your interests and needs, it brings a peace of mind to Parties that is not available in the court process.  It fosters communication and cooperation between the Parties which preserves relationships and helps with co-parenting for the sake of the children.

• Personalized Solutions

Parties can be very creative and flexible as they design their own solutions.  These solutions are more meaningful to the Parties as they own them and are more likely to abide by them.  This creates a much higher long-term success rate with mediation vs. a litigated result for the Parties.  Conflict resolution through the mediation process also teaches problem-solving skills for the future.  It repairs and restores broken relationships for everyone’s peace of mind.

What results can we expect?

You can expect to:

Improve your communication skills

Feel empowered in your relationship

Learn problem-solving skills for the future

Mend family ties

Learn to be cooperative and supportive co-parents after separation

Have a strong new life after ending your relationship

How do I know if this will work for me?

I encourage you to go to the Client Testimonials page of my site to read what my clients have said about how the mediation process changed their lives.

Nancy, based on everything I’ve read and heard about you, I’d like to work with you in mediation.  How do we get started?

Please fill out the contact form on my website and I will be in touch with you within one business day.  You can also email me or call me directly.  I offer a complimentary mediation consultation so that we can talk further about your particular situation.

Additional Information about Nancy

Nancy has mediated conflicts for the Sacramento Mediation Center and several court programs.  She is a member of the mediation panels for the U.S. District Court (Eastern District of California), Third District Court of Appeal, Sacramento Superior Court, and Yolo County Superior Court.

She is also a member of the State Bar of California, the Association for Conflict Resolution, the National Association for Community Mediation, Business Network International (BNI - Chapter Event Coordinator), and the Elk Grove Chamber of Commerce (Board Member).  She is actively involved in volunteering and giving back to her community.