Creating a Safe Environment
Treat each other with respect. Avoid personal attacks and name calling. No blaming. Speak up for yourself. You don’t have to agree to something you don’t want to. When I review my ground rules for mediation, most people look at the list and say to themselves – “I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to act that way.” The reality of mediation is that most of the issues discussed between the parties are emotional and difficult. People get upset, angry, frustrated, etc. As a result of these emotions, inappropriate behavior is usually the end result. As a mediator, I often have to bring the parties back to the ground rules. It is my job to keep the process civil and to create a safe environment for the parties to freely exchange their concerns, wants, and needs.
As we progress, I ask the parties to speak to me one at a time and not interrupt each other. As one party is talking, I ask the other to listen and write down any comments/responses on a pad of paper so that they are ready to comment/respond when it is their turn. Once appropriate, I allow the parties to talk with one another about an issue. This is when real understanding and problem-solving takes place. When agreements are reached, they are memorialized in a Memorandum of Understanding and/or a Marital Settlement Agreement.
