Ending Your Relationship – Don’t Lose Your Self-Esteem
When you have decided to end your relationship, you experience many different emotions such as, sadness, hurt, anger, relief, fear, etc. Even if you are the one who has decided that it would be best to separate, these emotions surface. As you go through the process of dissolving your relationship, your self-esteem can also be deeply affected. You question your role in the demise of the relationship. It is so easy to assign blame and then feel badly about yourself and/or the other person. The fear you experience manifests itself in not knowing what to expect in the future. Will you be able to handle life on your own? Can you see yourself single again?
The expected way to dissolve your union is to hire an attorney and have the attorney do battle for you in court. If you go the adversarial route, you lose your voice as the attorney speaks for you to the other party’s attorney or to the judge. When are you heard, listened to, and understood? There is little to no opportunity to talk with the other party in the adversarial process of divorce. How can you learn to be effective co-parents for the sake of your children when you are not allowed to speak with the other party? Does your attorney really understand your needs, interests, and goals? Will the judge have any time to listen to you? Most likely not as the court dockets are clogged with numerous cases everyday.
How can you get through the difficult divorce process preserving your self-esteem and feeling empowered? Mediation allows the parties to be heard and understood in a way that the traditional court process does not. It empowers you to speak in your own voice and to learn to cooperate for the sake of your children. It is your process guided by the mediator. You determine the outcome not a judge. You have a say in decisions about your property, assets, debts, and co-parenting. In the end, you need to find a way to maneuver through the divorce and keep your self-esteem. Mediation offers a better way.
