As we progress, I ask the parties to speak to me one at a time and not interrupt each other.  As one party is talking, I ask the other to listen and write down any comments/responses on a pad of paper so that they are ready to comment/respond when it is their turn.  Once appropriate, I allow the parties to talk with one another about an issue.  This is when real understanding and problem-solving takes place.  When agreements are reached, they are memorialized in a Memorandum of Understanding and/or a Marital Settlement Agreement.

The mediator will explain how the law will affect unresolved issues between the parties. He/She will not take sides or become invested in any particular outcome of the mediation. While they want to help, in the end, it’s the parties’ lives that are being discussed. The parties need to reach their own conclusions with the assistance of the mediator. The mediator listens without bias.

The parties agree to make full disclosure to each other and to the mediator of all property and income and all debts. This is a requirement in any family law matter. It is also very important for the parties to make full disclosure of all information essential to a successful resolution of the issues. In other words, they need to fully participate in the mediation. They need to make their interests and needs known to the mediator and the other party so that understanding and resolution can take place.

The parties are responsible to carry out the terms and conditions of any agreement or judgment. It is not the mediator’s responsibility to enforce the agreement/judgment. If either party is not following through with the agreements terms, the parties are encouraged to return to mediation so that this can be discussed.

These duties and responsibilities should be discussed prior to a mediation session so that everyone understands their role and can fully participate in the process.

You may want to consider Parent/Child Mediation. As you work with a neutral third party, lines of communication can be opened. You and your teen can learn new ways to communicate. Mediation with your teen can at least give you both an opportunity to be heard and understood. Misunderstandings can be aired and resolved.

You want to be there for your teen. Communication during these years is crucial. Consider working with a mediator if you’re unable to communicate with your teen. The teen years can be filled with joy if you keep the communication lines open.

I was first exposed to mediation during my second year of law school when I had the opportunity to intern at a community mediation program. I was curious about a process that could bring together two people in conflict and transform their relationship in three hours. Was there a “magic’ spell involved? How did this happen?

After 30 hours of mediation training, I mediated for the first time and witnessed the “magic”. Two neighbors were fighting about a barking dog (a very common community mediation issue). After many sleepless nights and angry exchanges, they ended up at the mediation center after calling animal control officials. The panel of mediators (three of us) heard their individual stories without interruption from the other side and worked with them in an effort to identify the underlying conflicts below the issue of the barking dog.

The conflict that brings the parties to the mediation table is often just the tip of the iceberg with much of the problems lying underneath the surface. While the barking dog brought them there, there were suspicions, assumptions, anger, and resentments below. Once these underlying issues are identified and discussed, the parties are often ready to talk to each other with the guidance of the mediators. This is when the “magic” takes place. They hear and understand each other in a way that has never happened before. As this takes place, they discover things they have in common and brainstorm ways to deal with the problem (in the case, dog obedience classes and the neighbor visiting the dog during the day when the owner was at work). After trust in reestablished, a cooperative plan can be worked out that benefits all involved. After working with the mediators, they walked out making plans to watch the game together on Sunday. This is the “miraculous” aspect of mediation that can never take place in a courtroom. I recall a party telling the other party, “We’ve been talking about this for months, but today’s the first time I really heard you.” That is the “magic” of mediation. 

Listening can go a long way in clearing up misunderstandings, helping you being truly understood, and patching up family relationships. Mediation gives all parties involved an opportunity to really listen to each other and understand in a way that a courtroom cannot. It can teach the parties the lost art of listening. If you’re experiencing conflict in your family, relationships, or at your workplace, consider mediation as a way to really listen to each other and understand.

Judges are usually pleased to see an equitable mediated divorce agreement when they review the final paperwork. They especially like to see a co-parenting plan is included in the final agreement. Progress Mediation offers a comprehensive co-parenting plan for our clients. It includes provisions for every phase of childhood from infancy through the teenage years. This working plan helps parents make the transition with their children. It is highly beneficial for the children as there are guidelines for co-parenting.

If you’re considering a separation/divorce or in the middle of one, think about mediation as an alternative to stressful court hearings. You have more of say in what happens with your life and your children’s if you work with a mediator to reach a mutually acceptable agreement. If you go to court, a judge will make the decisions for you. Mediation is an avenue to avoid court and move forward with your lives.

Grandparent mediation is an option. A mediator can work with you and your grandchildren’s parents (whether your own children or another party) in an effort to open the lines of communication and bring resolution to your situation. Mediation provides a safe and confidential setting to air your differences and concerns in an effort to restore your relationships and work out a plan in the best interest of your grandchildren. Children need the love and concern of their grandparents. They also need to know more about their family’s history through a healthy relationship with their grandparents.

If you or someone you know is faced with a difficult situation involving your grandchildren, consider mediation as a way to reconnect and mend your family ties. You don’t want to miss the joy of being a grandparent.

Take a look at the lyrics of this song:

Take all of your wasted honor

Every past frustration

Take all your so called problems

Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x7)

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you’d be better off instead

If you could only

Say what you need to say (x7)

Say what you need to say.

Have no fear

For giving in

Have no fear

For giving over

You better know that in the end

It’s better to say too much

Than to never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open. . .wide…

 Say what you need (x7)

Say what you need to

Say what you need to

Say what you need to say…

 I see this song by John Mayer as Mediation’s theme song. When in mediation, it is vitally important to say what you need to say. You are empowered in the mediation process to decide your future. Whether you are a couple trying to work out a plan to stay together, a couple deciding to end their relationship, or co-parents working on a cooperative co-parenting arrangement for your children, it is imperative to say what you need to say. It’s your destiny, your future, and you need to be heard and understood. The mediation process allows for open communication in a way that the courtroom does not.

“Say what you need to say – you know that in the end, it’s better to say too much than never to say what you need to say.” Think about it. How much better our world would be if we would just say what we need to say.

A mediator is trained to act as a translator – a neutral third party who is impartial and not invested in the outcome. The mediator can really hear and understand what you are trying to say and then help you convey the message to your spouse/partner. Because they are not emotionally invested in the issues being discussed, they can listen without bias. They keep the playing field level, if you will. They summarize the message in a way that is understandable to the other person. Having a third party to translate for you is extremely valuable and helpful. Mediation reduces misunderstandings between the spouses/partners and helps them learn to communicate more effectively. The process is helpful with couples who are trying to strengthen their relationships as well as those that are separating and need to be cooperative co-parents for the sake of their children.

Do you remember the Academy Award winning movie “Kramer v. Kramer”? In that movie, the attorneys set the stage for battle so that Ted and Joanna couldn’t talk about their son except in court. This kind of situation happens all too often in real life. Is there a better way to resolve child custody disputes?

Mediation offers an alternative way for parents to discuss their co-parenting plans post separation in a confidential and safe environment. The co-mediation model with an attorney/mediator and a therapist/mediator offers the best way to resolve child custody disputes. The therapist/mediator brings a wealth of knowledge about child development and the effects of divorce to the table so that parents can make informed decisions about what is best for the children. During mediation, the parents review a comprehensive co-parenting plan covering all aspects of co-parenting from infancy through the teenage years. They work together to formulate a plan for the years to come. The co-mediation team offers the legal and child-centered information that guides parents in their decisions about custody.

Your children are too important to have other people make decisions for you in court. Why not take the opportunity to work together to make the decisions that are best for your children?