The “Magic” of Mediation
How does mediation change lives and help people move forward? What happens during a mediation to bring about such a transformation?
I was first exposed to mediation during my second year of law school when I had the opportunity to intern at a community mediation program. I was curious about a process that could bring together two people in conflict and transform their relationship in three hours. Was there a “magic’ spell involved? How did this happen?
After 30 hours of mediation training, I mediated for the first time and witnessed the “magic”. Two neighbors were fighting about a barking dog (a very common community mediation issue). After many sleepless nights and angry exchanges, they ended up at the mediation center after calling animal control officials. The panel of mediators (three of us) heard their individual stories without interruption from the other side and worked with them in an effort to identify the underlying conflicts below the issue of the barking dog.
The conflict that brings the parties to the mediation table is often just the tip of the iceberg with much of the problems lying underneath the surface. While the barking dog brought them there, there were suspicions, assumptions, anger, and resentments below. Once these underlying issues are identified and discussed, the parties are often ready to talk to each other with the guidance of the mediators. This is when the “magic” takes place. They hear and understand each other in a way that has never happened before. As this takes place, they discover things they have in common and brainstorm ways to deal with the problem (in the case, dog obedience classes and the neighbor visiting the dog during the day when the owner was at work). After trust in reestablished, a cooperative plan can be worked out that benefits all involved. After working with the mediators, they walked out making plans to watch the game together on Sunday. This is the “miraculous” aspect of mediation that can never take place in a courtroom. I recall a party telling the other party, “We’ve been talking about this for months, but today’s the first time I really heard you.” That is the “magic” of mediation.
